I never wanted to be different, but a lot of people do not want to be a lot of things they are.
Maybe I read too many books about people living adventures. Maybe I am an over-privileged piece of shit. Maybe I am trying to escape from something I refuse to confront. Whatever it is, I am on a constant pursuit of something.
I was in this golf tournament a few days ago. Despite the fact that I have never played a round of golf, and only hit the driving range twice in my life, I did pretty well. Everyone I was with could not believe that I had never played golf before. This type of situation is recurring for me.
I am winner. This mentality is a side affect of my ultimate drives; adventure, adrenaline, and conquering.
I do not care about affecting lives, or making myself into something worth remembering. All I want to do is live. Unfortunately (or maybe not so much), my definition of living is detaching from everyone and everything, and pursuing something completely new.
I locked myself in to normalcy for a few years. And while I will admit the amount of misery I have encountered the last few months has been overwhelming, I am feeling much better because something clicked.
I am not one for sitting by idly, and that is okay.
I am a thrill seeker. Everything about my life has to be adventurous. If it is not, well, I check out. Friends, girls, jobs, opportunities, hobbies, etc… I could go on and on about all the things I have done, but it does not matter. If it is not a rush, it gets removed from my situation.
My life is objectively great right now, but I still feel like something is missing. I am not sure what that is, but I know that I will not find it staying the course. Regardless, I will stick the life I have created out for a few years. I will see if I can integrate into society. If I cannot, I am going to abandon everything, and join the French Foreign Legion.
This is what I am, and what I will continue to be. No sense in fighting it.